Chelsea vs Arsenal 17/09/17 Quick Thoughts

First Half:

Arsenal had the better of it because surprisingly, Wenger actually paid attention to the defensive structure of his team. By swamping Chelsea's midfield two, he forced Chelsea to play long. Unfortunately, this is not Morata's favourite style of play. He consistently failed to hold the ball up and was routinely bullied by Mustafi's physicality. Morata is a fine forward, but his strengths clearly lie with finishing crosses and ball to feet interplay. Don't ask him to accept long/hard passes from deep. At least not until he has gotten used to the tough-contact nature of the Premier League. 

Wenger decides to adapt his tactics to take his opponent into consideration about once a year so it was quite annoying that this game was the one time this season he chooses to compromise. As a consequence of Chelsea's impotence Arsenal's better general creativity resulted in Ramsey hitting the post and Welbeck missing a header he should have buried. Pedro should have scored for Chelsea when one on one with Cech though...

Second Half:

Seeing that Chelsea's midfield was being stifled, Conte brought on Bakayoko. Thanks to his impressive physical and technical qualities, Chelsea were better able to transition the ball through midfield and had much the better of a frenetic latter half. I don't know if Chelsea actually switched to 3-5-2, but Fabregas dropped into midfield and helped the team move the ball into attacking positions. Hazard came on for the last twenty, but was probably trying a bit too hard to make a breakthrough. Ultimately, Arsenal defended well and Chelsea didn't do enough to win this game. 

David Luiz got arrogant/frustrated, dribbled the ball further than he should have, lost the ball and ended up clattering Kolasinac in the shin studs up. Red card against Arsenal again. Lol?

Conclusion:

It's strange to say but Arsenal actually had a game plan that worked. They prevented Chelsea from playing out from the back, relying on Morata's inability to hold up long balls to stifle Chelsea's attacking quality. 

When teams embarass Arsenal they typically defend deep and counter attack ruthlessly. Chelsea managers of the past have happily employed this tactic, particularly Ancelotti and Mourinho. It doesn't look like Conte aped them. It looked like Conte tried to outplay Arsenal. Unusually, they were prepared for this approach. Hopefully this performance reminds Conte how simple it should be to beat Arsenal. Christenson should get more game time now Luiz will miss games.

Nonetheless, congratulations are due Arsenal - they got a draw at Stamford Bridge. Well done.

Goalkeepers and Winning the Premier League

Some time ago I heard that a football team can only win the Premier League if it has a world-class goalkeeper... So I looked into it for you! 

Below is a list of goalkeepers in the Premier League era who made the most appearances in the winning league team - are they world-class?

In my mind there is no doubt that Peter Schmeichel, David Seaman, Petr Cech and Edwin van der Sar were all world-class keepers. 

Of the others, I would say that Tim Flowers, Fabien Barthez, Jens Lehmann, Joe Hart, David de Gea, Thibaut Courtois and Schmeichel Junior were all good enough. The more recent goalkeepers like Courtois, de Gea, Schmeichel and to an extent Hart could yet mature into incredible goalkeepers.

Therefore we can say that an excellent goalkeeper has nearly always won the Premier League (bar Bosnich).

Conversely, if we look at Manchester United's goalkeepers when they did not win the Premier League, we can see chaff like a fading Fabien Barthez, Tim 'Howler' Howard, Roy 'Cataclysm' Carroll and an inexperienced David de Gea. 

If we take a look at Arsenal, the other previously dominant force in the Premier League, they have suffered with the likes of Vito Mannone, Wojciech Szczesny, Lukasz Fabianski, Manuel Almunia and David Ospina... 

But what does all this subtle analysis mean when divining which teams can win future Premier League titles?

Assuming that an excellent goalkeeper is a given for any League winning team then we can say that the following teams and their goalkeepers are potential winners in the 2017/18 Season:

Chelsea - Thibaut Courtois

Tottenham Hotspurs - Hugo Lloris

Manchester United - David de Gea

or even Leicester City - boy Schmeichel

Arsenal, Liverpool, or Manchester City? Nah they are miles away with their net-guardians!

Think on it football fans, does it ring true?

All the Best!

The Best of Samurai Jack - Seasons One to Four

Samurai Jack is a cartoon series about a noble warrior battling to find a means to return to the past so he can undo the evil machinations of his nemesis. First aired on Cartoon Network in 2001, I recall the eagerness with which I anticipated each new violence-laden episode. Unfortunately,there were only four seasons of Samurai Jack, leaving the story dissatisfyingly unfinished. The creator of the series, the excellent Genndy Tartakovsky, figured that the best way to complete the story was with a full-length animated feature film. However, for whatever reasons, this never happened. So life carried on and we all assumed that Jack's quest to save the world would remain unfulfilled...

Therefore it was with glee that I greeted the confirmed news that Samurai Jack's story will be completed with a final and even longer Season Five! Naturally, this news led me to dust off the DVDs and revisit the best episodes of the previous four seasons.

Nearly every episode of Samurai Jack follows a basic and winning formula - Jack arrives in a situation, then battles victoriously against the minions of Aku, the omnipotent nemesis whose domination Jack seeks to break. Sometimes he fights numerous hundreds of robotic minions, or a few elite ones. Sometimes he does this on the behalf of embattled groups/persons, or in the name of his quest to return to the past. Like a preponderant Jedi Master, Jack's battlefield victories are a certainty that is one of the joys of the series. Yet however entertaining it is to see Jack chop through hundreds of minions, spilling much robot oil, it became apparent that my favourite episodes were the ones where Jack struggled. He is such an accomplished warrior that if he struggles, it is because he is up against an equally mighty force. You know that you are witnessing a clash of titans. Yet however impossible a situation seems, Jack always prevailed. Again. It is in this light then, that I framed my Top Five Samurai Jack Episodes (in no particular order):

• Episode XI, Season One - Contrary to what I just said, Jack is in no real danger in this episode, the more so since he has a highly effective companion with him - The Scotsman! This episode is hilarious and brilliant thanks to the introduction of this celtic character.
• Episode XVIII, Season Two - Jacks takes down several extremely destructive and durable robots. This is the first episode in the whole series where Jack is in real danger for his life. It demonstrates the fallibility of Jack's sword, and his ability to overcome insurmountable odds.
• Episode XXX, Season Three - This is the first episode where Jack is defeated (having been separated from his sword) and is about to be killed by Aku. Yet he ultimately won. Again.
• Episode XXXI, Season Three - The three Daemons of Set outmatch Jack, yet he manages to summon the god Ra, the Egyptian God of the Sun, to destroy them. Witness the humourous conversation Jack attempts with Ra at the end.
• Episode XXXII, Season Three - In this incredible episode Jack is genuinely beaten - fair and square. The only time this properly happens*. His saviour? Fate alone.

Honourable mentions go to Episodes:

XXII[* he kinda loses in this one too], XLI, XLIV, and numerous others.

Having fruitfully revised the content we do have, what hopes do I have for the upcoming Season 5?

• That the adult rating is justified
• That Jack is as good with a huge pistol as he is with his sword
• That Aku's new voice actor can do Mako justice
• That Jack has to revisit his opponent in Episode XXXII in order to achieve his goal
• That Jack does achieve his goal
• And most importantly, that The Scotsman plays a prominent role!

 Anyway, I cannot wait for this to come out at some point on Adultswim. 
Thanks for reading reader!

 

 

The EU Referendum: Vote Remain 23/06/16

I have done mountains of research about this question. I have read everything there is to read about this subject and was looking forward to writing an epic refutation of everything the Brexiteers have said. But now it comes to it, I have not the time, energy, or inclination to go as deep into this as I initially intended. So I am going to do this instead:

•   Shit on the major Brexit arguments, namely law, sovereignty and immigration

• Explain why the lack of reliable information in this tiresome campaign means it is logical to vote Remain.

I am going to fulfil the above bullet points without referencing any damned politician or economic think-tank. This is about what I know to be true and what makes sense to me. So here goes...

·         LAW  - ‘Too many of Britain’s laws are made overseas by dictates passed down from Brussels and rulings upheld by the European Court of Justice. UK courts must become sovereign again.’

The Brexiteers seems to think that laws are ‘dictated’ to us by unelected bureaucrats in Brussels. This gives the impression that during the entire process of enacting new laws, the people of Europe have no say. This is a factual skid-stain. If anybody cared to look, they would see that no new law can be enacted unless the European Parliament votes for it. Yes, there is a Parliament in there somewhere, and the seats are distributed per country based on their population size. Therefore, British MEP form the third largest contingent in the European Parliament. Furthermore, those British seats are voted on via proportional representation which is more democratic than the system we have for General Elections i.e. First Past the Post. The fact is we are represented in the EU and our representatives vote on everything that affects us and Europe.

                Secondly, the European Court of Justice, like the Council of Ministers, has a representative from each member state so it’s not like any ‘diktats’ don’t have a British hand on them.

                Thirdly, these people superseding UK Courts are judges. JUDGES. They are not tyrants, they are unbiased executors of European Law upon which British and European MEP voted on.

                And lastly, who really cares? Is the preponderance of local courts that important to you? Is the notion of living with (as you have been doing) European laws so terrifying? Nations worthy of the name already abide by numerous international laws, so what’s so repellent about European ones which our representatives voted on? Is it really worth leaving the EU over some law that displeases you personally? In my view, it aint. 

·         SOVEREIGNTY -  ‘The British Parliament is no longer sovereign. With the EU hell-bent on “ever closer union” and further economic integration likely after the euro crisis, it is best to call it quits before ties deepen.’

Again, more laughable nonsense. The Brexiteers feed on ignorance so listen up. A few years ago our very own, supposedly redundant Westminster Parliament, enacted the European Union Act 2011. This Act means that any further ‘losses’ of sovereignty to the EU must be confirmed via a referendum. Like the one on Thursday. And given that the people of Britain will certainly vote to stop any loss of sovereignty, we need never worry about losses of sovereignty ever again. When it comes to politics, there is no way the European Parliament (of which we are part) could ever force us to do anything. They would be foolish to try.

                Oh and how is our own Parliament not sovereign when it has given us the opportunity to vote on our membership of the EU? Is some EU institution going to stop us leaving if that be our will? No, so forget about vacuous issues about bloody sovereignty.

·         IMMIGRATION – ‘Britain can never control immigration until it leaves the European Union, because freedom of movement gives other EU citizens an automatic right to live here.’

We could have controlled immigration from Eastern Europe when they joined up, except the memorable Mr Blair decided against using transitional immigration controls which other European countries did. We didn’t bother to employ existing EU-legitimate immigration controls when we had the chance. Because of that, and because the British economy is doing relatively well (while inside the EU) people naturally want to come here.

Who can blame them? Our civil services e.g. policing are relatively uncorrupted by for example, Russian standards; our healthcare is delivered free at the point of usage, every child goes to school till at least they’re 18 and the climate is basically temperate. People here go to work in the knowledge they are going to get paid. We don’t generally live in fear for our lives. We eat, drink, and be merry. Some of us are able to worry more about football than the economic future of our country.

The pressure on our public services, (which many EU migrants work in and pay for) is not based on overwhelming numbers of immigrants injuring themselves and copulating furiously. It’s based on the relative weakness of our economy which can’t pay for the required expansion. Or this government has not chosen to spend enough – whatever take makes sense to you. It’s about us, not them.

But if you insist that it is about them, then answer me this: Are you going to vote to leave the EU because there are too many Poles in that house down Stuart Road? Are you going to leave because you’re afraid of a bunch of Muslims coming over? Remind yourself that there are no Muslim countries in the EU, and that there is no likelihood of such a thing in our lifetimes.

If we in the Western World regard ourselves as particularly blessed, then we should remember that our populations have always been the product of immigration. In these islands we have had Romans come over, then Scandinavian Vikings, Angles, Saxons and Jutes from northern Germany, Normans from Normandy, Indians of all sects from the old Raj, and Africans from the old Empire. Why not a few Poles too? Why deny them what we take for granted?  

• Because we are having a tough time maintaining public services? Don’t be selfish.

• Because they are superficially different? Don’t be racist.

And finally, let me explain why it is just plain common sense to vote Remain. 

People have rightly complained that they have not been given enough accurate information upon which to make an informed decision. This is a reassuring trend because it means people do care about this issue and understand that it is likely to be the biggest decision this country will face for generations. 

The awkward thing is this: There are no facts to be had. 

Leaving the EU is a totally unprecedented event. Given that Britain is doing much better than our EU colleagues, it is somewhat ironic that we are the first to risk exit. So what is a politically sensible person meant to think when there are no points of reference? How are we supposed to think about this portentous issue and make the right decision for Britain when any information we are fed has to be taken with discerning scepticism if not outright disbelief?

Logic provides us with two options:

1.  Abstain – If you have no idea what is best then you had better avoid the booths altogether. This is not a time for guesswork for God’s Sake. 
2. Vote In – If you are unsure of what is best but are determined to vote then support the status quo.Since we are in the EU, and have been for some time, the onus in this campaign is for the Leave side to convince you theirs is the best course of action. If they have not done that, if you are not certain that leaving the EU is obviously best, than you cannot in good conscience take that gamble with this country’s future.

How can anybody be convinced to leave based on a few months of increasingly outrageous invective and wild speculation? Let’s Vote to Remain now, let’s give the issue proper thought in the future, let’s try to make things better for everyone in the EU, and if it nevertheless becomes evident that leaving the EU is wisest for us, than let’s put it to another vote. 

Our colleagues in the EU have had a tendency to take chances because they believed in something greater than themselves. They believed in something greater than any one nation state. It led them to create a single currency. It led them to let the economically weaker Mediterranean countries join. They told themselves that despite the risks, they would make it work...

Doesn’t that sound like the Brexiteers? Aren’t they the ones who have this fantastical vision of Britain outside the EU, cruising alone into a new Golden Age of patriotic sovereignty and trade agreements? Aren’t they the ones saying fuck the torpedoes; we’ll make it work somehow?

To put it mildly, I say no thanks to their fantasies. I’m not buying it. Vote Remain.

Turkish Poetry Festival May 2016

Ok so I read today that some German comedian is being prosecuted because he read out an offensive poem about the Turkish President, Recep Tayyip Erdoğan. You can read about it here.

Obviously, this means that everyone has to make up some offensive poems about His Excellency President Erdogan. I made up a couple of quick ones which follow:

The Great Caliph Erdogan says,

Someone has put shit in my fez!

But don't worry sir,

Your words are a slur,

Against all the Free Speech in the West.

and...

There was a big goat in the mountains,

That said to me 'Erdogan found me!

He loved my great butt,

And sucked on my nuts,

Then bathed in a big semen fountain.'

Come and prosecute me you humourless bastard!

A Blue Perspective on a Dark Vista

As I write this Chelsea are losing 1-0 away at Stoke in the League Cup with ten minutes to go. It's at times like these when a football fan needs to reassess exactly what is important about supporting their team. 

Listening to the match I begin thinking about ways in which I can rationalise, justify and excuse the disastrous run of results my club has suffered. You can talk about pre-season with its fitness and recruitment implications, you can talk about the Carneiro issue and its moral implications and you can blame the players and manager in equal measure. It's probably a combination of all those things. Never have I known such a dark period.

But so what? What does it matter if Chelsea can barely win a game this Season? What if Chelsea finish mid-table, woefully short of Champions League football? (Just heard Remy equalise!!!!) The only thing that matters to the individual fan is hard-nosed, unquestioning loyalty and unrelenting support. It doesn't matter how low things become I will still support my club. I will still bring hope to every match. Maybe we will have to remedy our expectations and maybe we will have to cope with a few Seasons of mediocrity. It doesn't matter, I will still feel the same emotions whatever happens and take victory and defeat in the same manner, whether stoic or elated. 

Let's take some perspective on things. Since 1997 we have won a trophy most years. Nearly every Season we have challenged for the Premier League title. Is a couple of fallow seasons so horrible? It reminds me of David Moyes at Manchester Utd. It was a total disaster for them and numerous records were broken with multiple teams breaking their Old Trafford duck. They finished outside the top four but are inevitably coming back. If there is any logic in the Chelsea Board, we will be able to bounce back with a Chelsea fan, Jose Mourinho, who is probably the best manager since Ferguson. With any luck the promising youngsters will get a full blooding over the course of the season and we will be able to watch them grow into their potential over the next five years. Chelsea fans have become so saturated with success that we have got to the point where we perhaps value the progress of our youths more than we do the space in our trophy cabinet. This miserable period is the best chance our impressive youngsters have of playing regular competitive football. Treasure it because there is no doubting that the relentless ambition for the biggest trophies is detrimental to their prospects. Take the positives and think of the future for once.

As extra-time winds down and penalties loom at Stoke let me finish by reiterating the point I am trying to make in this emotive ramble. Results are important for the League table and Cup competition progress; performances are important for assessing the progress and situation of the team; but for the fans their football club is an emotional investment which gives them either misery or joy on any given matchday. What happens on the pitch is a weekly opportunity, not a holy human right.

When assessing the Season thus far remember the fallow years between 1970 and 1997. Realise that their are Chelsea fans who experienced those years. Recall that history shows that every club goes through peaks and troughs. We are clearly in a trough but understand that troughs are only defined by the peaks which precede and proceed them. Things can always get worse for a football club (ask Leeds) but also know that we are almost at the point where things can only get better. But most of all support Chelsea, support Mourinho and support the tribe - that's all you can do.